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How to gain weight and increase your carbon footprint

Published on , in Ranting
Take a really big project to work on from home.
Try to have as short deadline as possible, so you'd work all of your woken hours.
Take a parallel project as well, with slightly longer deadline.
Optimise your workspace: make the same room your office, dining room and bedroom. Optimal room size shouldn't be over 6m2. If possible, try to pick a room within the shortest walking distance to the toilet.
Work explicitly during the night, and sleep throughout the day.
Order all of your food on-line. Order more than necessary in order to receive free shipping. Desserts are optional.
On extreme occasions prepare your own food, but only if it requires just microwaving something or putting something to boil. Please note that this method both produces less non-recycable junk and counts as a workout, so you should think it through.
Drink approx. 2l of soft drinks daily, opt for most sugary-carbonated ones.
Make your biweekly shower the most physically demanding action.
Repeat for as long as required.

Upon completion, take a moment to admire the amount of plastic and styrofoam in your trash, as well as your new plump line.

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